The Unretiring Brett Favre

By: David Martin

Having retired and un-retired twice in the last two years, one thing is clear: Brett Favre still has a lot more football to play. Here’s a brief peek into the all-star quarterback’s future:

October 14, 2009

Having turned 40 on Saturday, Brett Favre decides to retire once again. “I’ve accomplished just about all I can here with the Vikings,” said Favre. “So there’s really not much point in continuing.” Favre defeated the Packers a week ago Monday, making him the first quarterback in history to beat all 32 NFL teams. “Mission accomplished,” said the aging quarterback. “My only regret is that I was unable to add to my all-time interceptions record.”

October 31, 2009

Brett Favre reconsiders and returns to the Minnesota Vikings. “Just my idea of a little Halloween treat,” quipped Favre. “Since we’re playing the Packers again tomorrow at Lambeau Field, I thought I’d try to add to all my career records including my total interceptions.”

November 1, 2009

Immediately following the Packers crushing victory over the Vikings, Brett Favre once again announces his retirement. “I have to be honest and say I was not only disappointed by the game score but also by my inability to add to my records,” said Favre. “Mind you, you can’t add to records if you’re sitting on the bench the whole time.”

August 7, 2010

Brett Favre is inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The all-star quarterback graciously accepts the honor and proudly enters the Hall as a Green Bay Packer.

August 8, 2010

Brett Favre resigns from the Pro Football Hall of Fame. “It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the honor,” said Favre. “But I have to admit that I’ve got my eye set on an even higher accolade: membership in the International Football Hall of Fame.”

August 9, 2010

Informed that the International Football Hall of Fame only covers soccer and never really got off the ground, Brett Favre announces that he will seek reinstatement in the Pro Football Hall of Fame and possibly the Baseball Hall of Fame as well.

October 31, 2034

On his 65th birthday, Brett Favre announces that he is once again coming out of retirement, this time to join the newly formed World Wheelchair Football League. “Thanks to my many years in the NFL,” said Favre. “I’m not that mobile anymore although I can get around pretty good in a wheelchair.” Hoping to be the starting quarterback with the Detroit Wheels, Favre is looking to set a whole new bunch of football records.

February 23, 2044

Brett Favre once again announces his retirement, this time from the Pinegrove Manor seniors’ residential home in Sheboygen, Wisconsin. “I put in a good six years with Pinegrove,” said Favre. “And I think I’ve accomplished all that I can in that position.” Favre, however, wouldn’t rule out the possibility of joining another seniors’ home in the near future. “I’m open to any reasonable offers,” said the aging footballer.

June 13, 2056

Brett Favre retires from life and accepts an offer to play for the Heavenly All-Stars, a celestial team of former NFL greats.

June 14, 2056

Informed that he will be the third-string quarterback behind Johnny Unitas and Otto Graham, Brett Favre resigns from the Heavenly All-Stars. “Yes, I’m disappointed,” said Favre. “But I’m sure that there are plenty of other teams that will recognize my special talents.”

June 16, 2056

General Manager Satan announces the signing of one Brett Favre as the starting quarterback for his team: Hell’s Raiders. “We like what we see in Mr. Favre,” said Satan. “And we’re hoping he can play for us for eternity.” “I’m pleased to join the team,” said Favre. “But I can’t really make a commitment much beyond the next millennium.”


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