Yikes, Virginia! The Further Correspondence of Virginia O’Hanlon & Mr. Francis Church

By: Dan Fiorella

We all know of the Christmas of 1897 when a perplexed young girl wrote to the editor of the New York Sun in her quest to prove the existence of Santa Claus. Mr. Frank Church’s stirring response truly defined the spirit of Christmas for all generations. And the phrase, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,” has become the rallying cry of all true believers. But the story doesn’t end there.

*****************************************************************

4/12/1898

Dear Mr. Church,

Thank you for your wonderful answer to my letter. My family was very happy. And my little friends now truly and forever believe in Santa Claus. But now my friends are saying there is no Easter Bunny! What am I to do? Papa still says if you read it in the Sun it must be so. Please tell me the truth, is there an Easter Bunny?

Signed,

Virginia O’Hanlon

*****************************************************************

4/20/1898

Dear Virginia,

How terrible a place this gray little planet would be if there were no Easter Bunny! Why, no Easter Bunny? Then your friends may as well say “No springtime,” “No joy,” “No love!” They are wrong, Virginia, for as long as the human heart beats and carries in it generosity, devotion and charity, there will forever be an Easter Bunny.

Francis Church

Editor, NY Sun

*****************************************************************

10/2/1898

Dear Mr. Church,

I lost my tooth yesterday at school and when I told my little friends I was going to put it under my pillow for the tooth fairy, they laughed and taunted me. They said my Mama and Papa place the shiny nickel beneath my pillow during the night and then put the tooth in a jar and sell it to people in Chinatown. Can this be, sir? I know you will tell me the truth as you are kind and forthright. Is there a tooth fairy?

Signed,

Virginia O’Hanlon

*****************************************************************

10/20/98

Dear Virginia,

Okay, sure, tooth fairies. They exist. They will exist as long as people need love and hope and dreams. That’s good. There are tooth fairies, Virginia.

Signed,

Frank Church

NY Sun

*****************************************************************

7/12/1899

Dear Mr. Church, Is Bigfoot real? Inquiring minds want to know.

Signed,

Virginia O’Hanlon

*****************************************************************

8/08/1899

Dear Virginia,

I guess. I’ve never seen him, but a friend of mine has, so, sure, there is a Bigfoot.

Signed,

Frank Church

NY Sun

*****************************************************************

8/12/1899

Dear Mr. Church,

Leprechauns? Are there such things as leprechauns?

Signed,

Virginia O’Hanlon

*****************************************************************

10/02/1899

Dear Virginia,

No. Bigfoot ate them all.

Signed,

Frank Church

NY Sun

*****************************************************************

3/19/1901

Dear Mr. Church,

Where do babies come from? I say the stork brings them. My little friends say that Mama and Papa do vile, disgusting things to one another to make a baby. I know you’ll tell me true, ’cause Papa still says if it’s in the Sun, it must be so. So, does the stork bring the baby?

Signed,

Virginia O’Hanlon

*****************************************************************

4/01/1901

Dear Virginia,

I would seriously advise you to stop hanging out with these little friends of yours. Who are these kids? Where are they picking this stuff up?

Signed,

F. Church

NY Sun

P.S. We’re canceling your father’s subscription to the Sun.

*****************************************************************

5/23/1910

Dear Mr. Church,

My friends speak of a G-spot, but my boyfriend can’t find it. Is there a G-spot?

Signed,

Virginia O’Hanlon

*****************************************************************

5/30/1910

Dear Virginia,

My wife is the NY Sun and my children are its editorials so I have no idea what you are talking about. Virginia, I’m old and tired and the paper just announced it’s folding. I’m passing your letter to Dear Abby. Good luck to you.

Signed,

F. Church

*****************************************************************

8/05/1911

Dear NY Daily News,

I’m looking for a Mr. Francis Church, formerly of the New York Sun. Is he working there? I know you’ll tell me if he does, ’cause Papa says that since the Sun folded, you can count on the Daily News. Thank you.

Signed,

Virginia O’Hanlon

Share

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *