Developmental Valley School District Lunch Menus for This Week

By: Phil Austin


MON: Paper Stack; Boneless Burrito; Paste; Kitten on a Stick; Milkaroni

TUE: White Bread on Toast; Glass of Sugar; See-Through lettuce; Liquid Milk

WED: Sponge; Sugar Sandwich; butter Plate; Cloth Pudding; Milk

THURS: Simple Pie; Banana Split; Sugar Mound; Blanched Cookie; Milk

FRI: Diaper Surprise; Clear Peaches; Steamed Cereal Boxes; Sugar; Milk


MON: Soft Eggs on a Mirror; Hard-boiled Hollow Birds; Handful of Tacos; Milk

TUE: Rack of Clever Hans; Whisked Apple Fly; Coronation Ham; Nylon Bunnies; Big Carton

WED: Mystery Potato; Curd; Slippery Tart; Milk Pie; Leg Salad Sandwich; Clear Liquid

THURS: Oysters Frightened by Chickens; Liver Mounds; Nest of Interesting Spiders; Mai Tai; Pack of Camels

FRI: Breast of Clam a la “Eddie”; Wieners in a Basket under a Blanket; Teacher’s Surprise; Milk


MON: Beef Throats; Smoked Leg; Hind Quarters; Gros Livers; Old-Fashioned Milk; Cigars

TUE: Flat Motor Pies; Fisherman’s Regret; Loin of Fat; Stunned Ducks in Alcohol Sauce; Milk

WED: Tart Bottoms; Slick Fritters; Breasts of Toast; Sweetbreads in Hand; Cuckoo Punch; Cigars; Milk

THURS: Roast Puffins; Revenge Pudding; Pancakes in Water; Baked Salad; Ring of Fire; Milk

FRI: Ducklings a la Moron; Smothered Rodents; Closet Pie; Turbo Skeletons; Champagne; Brandies; Cigars; Milk


MON: Horse Butter Sandwiches; Hot Jello Salad; French Kisses; Curb Cake; Milk

TUE: Toads in Blanket in a Hole; Complicated Salad; Ice Bread; Lomax Pie; Milk Cocktail

WED: Hat with Cheese; Insurance Salad; V6 Bread; Field Surprise; Milk

THURS: Battered Vegetables; Wax Wrappers; Wallet and Raisin Salad; Adult Milkshake

FRI: Fried Chuck; Paper Salad; Responsibility Pie; White Dessert; Retirement Milk


MON: Eco-Veggie Bar; Rainbow Krazy Krunch; Twig Sticks; Turkey Straws; Cow Milk

TUE: Helpless Nuggets with Sour Sauce; Gator Tots; Trial Mix; White Milk

WED: False Rabbit Wedges; Farm Dip; Sloppy Joans; French Acid; Goat Milk

THURS: Meatless Hot Creatures; Sweetened Cherries; Meltdown on a Bun; Squares; Mother’s Milk

FRI: Refried Fries; Early Dismissal Cup; Hemp Wheels; Party on a Bun; Dip; Sheep Milk


From May Contain Nuts by Michael J. Rosen. HarperCollins Publishers. Used by permission.

To order the book, click here: May Contain Nuts at

To see more of Phil Austin’s work, click here: Phil Austin’s Blog

To learn more about the Mirth of a Nation anthologies, click here: Mirth of a Nation


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