Bunnytown Village Requests The Following Permissions

By: Molly Schoemann

Before you can begin playing Bunnytown Village, it requires access to the following:

Your Basic Profile Information:

Bunnytown Village may access your basic profile information, including your name, date of birth, photos, employer information, home address, cell phone number, astrological sign, deepest fears, and a copy of your driver’s license, which Bunnytown Village may obtain by removing it from your wallet in your pants which you always leave draped over a chair while you are in the shower.

Your Email Account:

Bunnytown Village may email you directly or send text messages to your cell phone to alert you of special offers and promotions. Data rates may apply. Bunnytown Village may text you after midnight on Saturday, just to see if you’re around. If you don’t respond though, it’s cool; Bunnytown Village sees how it is. You can unsubscribe from Bunnytown Village’s texts and emails any time you would like, as long as you provide a satisfactory reason for doing so. Please allow up to 8 weeks for Bunnytown Village to review your request.

Your Friends’ Information:

Bunnytown Village may access your friends’ personal information and pictures, and may draw conclusions about them by analyzing their status updates and vacation photos. Bunnytown Village may decide that most of them are only reluctantly tolerating their association with you. Bunnytown Village may text you to let you know this. Data rates may apply. Bunnytown Village may message your ex-girlfriend to let her know that you are not over her. Bunnytown Village may read through a draft of an old email you decided not to send a coworker, and may send it anyway. Bunnytown Village may unfriend any of your contacts that it believes you are friends with only out of obligation.

Your Photos:

Bunnytown Village may peruse any photos you’ve shared or been tagged in, and may wonder why you always have your arm around your sister in that weird way. Bunnytown Village may notice that you haven’t been posting any photos of yourself lately — is it because you’ve stopped going to the gym? Bunnytown Village may suggest that if you would stop mainlining peanut M&Ms in front of your laptop every night, you might feel more confident about your body. Do you think Bunnytown Village got this body by just sitting around? Would you like to feel Bunnytown Village’s delts?

Other Information:

Bunnytown Village may flip through your baby books, access your bank account, rummage in your underwear drawer, use your body wash, reprogram the radio stations in your car, lick your toothbrush, clip its toenails on your couch, borrow your favorite sweater, read your diary, mock your DVD collection and eat the last Hot Pocket in your bed. In return, you get the privilege of playing Bunnytown Village on your laptop or smartphone until you tire of it, which should take approximately 17 minutes.

Bunnytown Village thanks you for granting these required permissions. Enjoy playing Bunnytown Village! If you don’t, don’t try to pretend that you do. Bunnytown Village will know you are lying, because Bunnytown Village will be watching you.