Animals: The Way Of The Future!

By: Charlie Nadler

Every day, an animal is born on this earth. Many of us will go our entire lives without ever interacting with these mysterious beasts, but their swift advancement has nevertheless garnered the esteem of the world community. Today, even critics must concede: Animals are the way of the future!

Animals Are Strong, Courageous

The wilderness, which is the natural habitat of animals, is a very disorderly, undomesticated sort of place. Without the modern conveniences upon which humans have become so dependent, animals lead a rugged lifestyle that instills in them not only an appreciation for nature and the outdoors, but also the sharpened instincts and enhanced features necessary to succeed in the future.

Of these various features, perhaps the most remarkable is their unparalleled physical strength. A strapping physique is imperative as it allows the animal to effectively defend his or her property. (Consider this: Animals possess the strength of apes, and they don’t even go to the gym. Just imagine what they could accomplish if they had personal trainers — which they undoubtedly will in the future!) Along with having great strength, it is necessary for animals to be courageous; otherwise they would constantly become frightened by bears and crocodiles. Courage with strength to match is the way of the future; therefore, so are animals.

Animals Do Not Have To Answer To God

Man, who was created in the likeness of God, ultimately has to answer to his creator. On the approaching day of the rapture, the pious and the sinful will depart on (very!) different paths, but the godless animals will remain here on Earth. With all of humanity out of the picture, animals will undoubtedly seize command of the planet. It is difficult to say whether this “animal kingdom”? will be ruled with style and sophistication, or whether the earth will descend into a cesspool of perversion and debauchery, similar to what happened with the dinosaurs. In either case, animals will have proven that they are indeed the way of the future!

Animals Have Probably Already Been To The Future

This is more of a personal theory, and I am (technically) not an expert on the particulars of time travel, but it strikes me as naive to assume that a species as accomplished as the animal will never ascertain how to complete a simple trip through time. It is important to remember that if future animals achieve time traveling capabilities, they have likely already traveled back in time to visit with past animals and impart their knowledge of the future — including the particulars of time travel. Furthermore, because animals do not speak or wear clothes, there would be no way to differentiate a future animal from an animal of the present. (The obvious exception here would be if a future animal were to encounter its past self, or vice versa — in which case the space-time continuum would be destroyed.)

Now that it has been established that animals have been to the future, surely it follows that they are also the way of the future.

Animals Look/Act Futuristic

Especially their eyes, if you take their picture or shine a flashlight on them at night.


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