An Executive Producer’s Notes to Rosie O’Donnell Regarding Her First Month on The View

By: Jay Dyckman

To: Rosie O’Donnell

From: Bill Geddie, Executive Producer

Date: Friday, September 8, 2006

Re: Your First Week!!

Rosie’s back!!

Let me just begin by saying, once again, how excited we all are to have you on The View. Now, we all think this first week went pretty well, but there’s always room for improvement. So, please consider these notes as merely helpful suggestions designed to make your transition here as smooth as possible.

First, that whole Koosh Ball thing kind of died with your old show. Now, we appreciate the effort to reconnect with your fans, but it seems a bit out of place here. Plus, one almost hit Barbara in the head. We can’t stress enough how bad that would have been. In fact, just a general FYI for all future shows: Nothing should EVER come near Barbara’s head.

Also, it was difficult to tell, but were you napping during the “Hot Topics” segment? If uninterested in a particular topic, please just smile and head nod. And feet off the coffee table. At all times.

Wardrobe, Hair and Makeup. I know we agreed you could use your own people. And we certainly encourage all the hosts to cultivate their own personal style. But, as noted before, we are trying to achieve a certain aesthetic cohesion among the hosts. That said, I’ll simply end with a question: How do you think a mullet fits in with the others?

To: Rosie

From: Bill

Date: Friday, September 15, 2006

Re: Not Quite There Yet

Hmm. Well, let’s start with a positive. No Koosh Balls!

Moving along. We welcome spirited debate among the hosts. It has always been a hallmark of the show. And, of course, disagreements will flare up from time to time. But when you disagree with Elisabeth, it’s better to express that verbally. A caveat: “Suck it, blondie,” while a verbal response, is also not appropriate.

And definitely no more “two-for-flinching” punches. As you can see, Elizabeth bruises easily.

Finally, referring to Mrs. Star Jones Reynolds as that “psycho bridezilla” was kind of a backstage joke. Not for on-air. I’m pretty sure we had gone over that in pre-production.

To: Rosie O’ Donnell

From: Bill Geddie

Date: Friday, September 22, 2006

Re: Are You Reading These?

LESS ANGER. Would it help to have that on a permanent cue card?

Look, we get that “The Queen of Nice” moniker is officially retired. But how about “The Queen of Commonly Agreed Upon Standards of Decent Social Behavior?” That has a nice ring to it too.

And jeans? Again?

To: Ms. O’ Donnell

From: Mr. Bill Geddie, Executive Producer

Date: Friday, September 29, 2006

Re: You Are Contractually Obligated To Read This

No one authorized costume Fridays. (That was a costume, correct?)

Please stop asking guests to arm wrestle.

The set design may not be altered. Where did that Barcalounger come from?

And Elisabeth didn’t show up for work today and no one’s heard from her. Thoughts?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *