Movies Pitched By The Hormel Foods Company

By:
meg.favreau@gmail.com

Nerdy high school junior SOPHIE is bullied by ALL her classmates – she’s too ugly for the popular people, too quiet for the drama kids, and not nerdy enough for the nerds! But while Sophie wants nothing more than to disappear, quite the opposite happens when she’s befriended by the most popular adult in town — the gorgeous, risk-taking LINDA, the woman who delivers the HORMEL MEATS to the school cafeteria. Now, with the power of great foods like HORMEL OVEN READY MEATS and HORMEL SNAC-CUPS behind her, Sophie is going to live her junior year to the fullest – and discover that sometimes, all you need to go from loser to prom queen is a little bit of luck, a whole lot of courage, and a heaping helping of CITRUS LOIN FILET.

After 30 years on the force — 15 as a desk jockey — NYC detective NICK FALLONE is five days away from retirement and looking forward to rekindling things with his estranged wife. But Fallone’s plans take a drastic turn when his wife is found dead, each eye topped with a slice of delicious-yet-healthy HORMEL TURKEY PEPPERONI…and HORMEL-loving Fallone is the prime suspect! On the run from his friends in the force, Fallone is forced to revisit the case that ruined his career — that of the infamous MEATMAN MURDERER, who spent three years torturing Fallone by leaving high-quality products such as HORMEL BLACK LABEL THICK CUT BACON, OVEN ROASTED DELI TURKEY, and ALWAYS TENDER STEW MEAT on his victims. Now Fallone must race against the clock to avenge his wife, find the murderer, and restore the good HORMEL name.

Based on the true story…of American moviegoers loving sports comeback films! Working class kid BENJI HOLMES dreams of playing basketball for Duke — but because of his short stature and smelly off-brand lunchmeat sandwich, the coach laughs him right out of team tryouts. Discover how determination, hard work, and HORMEL SERVICE DELI MEATS HOMELAND HARD SALAMI can turn failure into savory slam-dunk success!

At 32, American expat CYNTHIA drifts through life in Paris, eating charcuterie and watching her marriage to brilliant-but-distant diplomat PATRICK crumble. She’s taken to spending her days in a park, resigned to watching life go by. But one day, it doesn’t go by — life offers her a bag of HORMEL BATONS DE SAUCISSE ET FROMAGE (Hormel Pepperoni and Cheese Stix!), courtesy of unemployed artist HENRI. This touching gift of a casse-croûte sans glucides (“carb-free snack”) sparks a passionate affair between Henri and Cynthia. But when Patrick finds out and wipes Henri’s HORMEL pantry bare, destroying all of his RAGOUT DE BOEUF DINTY MOORE, Cynthia is left facing the question every woman asks herself at some point: “If I can’t find a man with HORMEL products, how will I ever truly find love?”

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…there were HORMEL WRANGLERS SMOKED CHEESE FRANKS! That’s right, George Lucas is improving the original Star Wars trilogy again — this time by adding great HORMEL products!! “I always wanted to include HORMEL products such as CRUMBLED BACON BITS, MILD PEPPERONI (3.5 OZ. SIZE) and MARY KITCHEN REDUCED FAT CORNED BEEF HASH in the original trilogy, but we just didn’t have the technology at the time,” says Lucas. Now, in this explosive re-release, we finally know what Chewbacca is always “Chewie-ing” on — LITTLE SIZZLERS HOT & SPICY BREAKFAST SAUSAGE!! Luke’s entrapment in the Wampa’s cave is even tenser when both his lightsaber and his HERB RUBBED ITALIAN STYLE ROAST BEEF AU JUS are out of reach!! And the end of Empire Strikes Back becomes truly gripping when Darth Vader reveals that he is Luke’s father…and that he ate Luke’s last HORMEL COMPLEATS CAFE CREATIONS CREAMY CHICKEN CARBONARA MICROWAVE MEAL!! As the famous phrase now goes, may the “force” be with HORMEL BEEF STEW!!!!

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