Commercials For Meg Favreau

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1) Helicopter shot. A field filled with dandelions. As we zoom in, we see a young Meg Favreau running gleefully, giving a piggy-back ride to Meg Favreau. The pair grin with reckless abandon as they approach a farmhouse. At the end of the driveway, tight shot on the mailbox. They open the box. Inside, there’s an envelope. It’s a Social Security check addressed to…Meg Favreau? Zoom back out. Both Megs are wrinkled and old. Title on screen: “Meg Favreau: As young as you feel.”

2) A jungle. Title: 10,000 BC. A mass of hairy cave people follow one caveman, who waves excitedly and makes grunting noises. The group comes to a clearing in the trees. Close shot on the faces of the cave people as they gasp. Cut to what they’re seeing: in the middle of a field, there is a brand new, stainless-steel kitchen set. Meg Favreau, in a leopard print bikini, gestures to it with a gleaming, white grin. The cave people approach cautiously. Meg Favreau opens the refrigerator to reveal an entire mammoth, chopped up and neatly compartmentalized. A cheer erupts. Title: “Your past…your future…your Favreau.” Optional tag: A cave woman hands Meg Favreau a baby. Close up on Meg as she says, “I’ll name him…Prometheus!”

3) Close shot on a woman scrubbing her floor. We don’t see her face, but the floor sparkles. The woman moves into the bathroom and shines the sink, the shower, and the toilet. In the kitchen, she makes the oven gleam. Finally, we see her scrubbing the bald head of Mr. Clean. On his head, we see the woman’s reflection: it’s Meg Favreau. Blackout.

4) Night. Title: 2055. A terrified Meg Favreau runs through the dark streets, past neon ads floating in midair. Her footsteps hit hard on the damp pavement, and she is clutching a bottle of premium, gold-label whisky to her chest. Behind her, a mob of pale-faced robots makes chase. Meg Favreau runs with the speed of a cheetah, but the robots run with the speed of two cheetahs. They surround her in an alley. Close to tears, Meg Favreau offers the whisky…but the robots don’t take it. Rather, they reach out their hydraulic hands and fondle her hair. Meg Favreau smiles and takes a shot of whisky. Title: “Meg Favreau: Soft.”

5) Wide shot. A virgin mountain, covered with powdery snow. There’s a sound growing louder: a helicopter. Meg Favreau drops from the copter, attached to a snowboard and holding a meat hook in each hand. She hits the powder standing and starts sluicing down the mountain, jumping off steep cliffs. Suddenly, it looks like Meg is going to hit a tree! But instead, she hits it with the meat hook, spinning herself around the tree and back on track. She does this with one, two, three more trees, and then she hooks a bear. Still sliding down the mountain, Meg Favreau has an on-board fight with the bear, who rips Meg’s ear off. Cut to new scene: Meg Favreau is in a cabin at the bottom of the mountain, cooking something. A brown pelt lies motionless next to the fire. But zooming in close, we see that the bear is just sleeping, and Meg Favreau is roasting her own ear. She slides it off the kabob and offers half to the bear. Title: “Meg Favreau: Expect the Unexpected.”

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