If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be unpredictable.
I like to keep people guessing. One minute I might be describing myself in a word, and the next I’m jumping into a tank full of hungry tiger sharks. It’s like nobody really knows what I’m going to do next.
If I had to describe myself in two words, they would be unpredictable (see above) and fearless. Because obviously I would have to be fearless to jump into a tank full of hungry tiger sharks.
If I had describe myself in three words, they would be unpredictable (above), fearless (again, above) and labyrinthine. Labyrinthine is a synonym for complex. Sure, I could have just said complex, but like I said, I’m unpredictable.
Also, I like the way labyrinthine rolls off my tongue.
Now, here’s where things get interesting. If I had to describe myself as an animal, I would be a pygmy marmoset. Not many people know this, but the pygmy marmoset is “Nature’s Cutest Animal.” I like to think of myself as “Humankind’s Cutest Human.”
Or, maybe I’d be a cat. Tough to say.
If I had to be two animals, I would be a pygmy marmoset/cat and a whawk. What’s a whawk? I’m glad you asked. A whawk is a whale. With hawk eyes.
Technically they don’t exist yet –- I’m working on the patent now. If all goes as planned, the whawk should be in existence by the fall of 2014. (Fingers crossed!)
If I had to be two animals before 2014, I would be anything but a cat.
Now, if I had to describe myself as an insect, without question I would be a cockchafer. A cockchafer is a large European beetle.
Actually, now that I think about it I would also use cockchafer as one of my describing words. I would take out unpredictable and replace it with cockchafer. Because by doing that, people would already know that I’m unpredictable. It’s like it goes without saying.
Let’s say I had to describe myself as a font. Easy! I would be Party LET. Only I would switch it around and add an ‘s’. That way I’d be LET’s Party!
If I wasn’t allowed to do that, I’d say “Too bad. I’m an unpredictable cockchafer, remember?”
If I had to be a dance move (because you can’t be LET’s Party! without dancing), I would be the swinging pendulum. Trust me when I say that it’s my thang.
That being said, if I had to be a thang, I would be a G thang. Only because I don’t know any other thangs.
If I had to describe myself as a rock band playing music for my swinging pendulum/G Thang, I’d be any band except Meat Loaf’s. I hate Meat Loaf.
Don’t get me wrong, if I had to be a main course I would definitely be meatloaf. In this case I love meatloaf.
Moving on, if I had to describe myself as a professional wrestling move, I would be the bionic elbow. I mean, really, how cool would it be to have a bionic elbow? It’s like being part superhero or something.
Which reminds me, if I had to be part superhero, I would be Describer Woman.
“Faster than a really cute pygmy marmoset, more powerful than a bionic elbow and able to describe herself in thismanyways!” Or something like that. I haven’t really decided yet.
If I had to describe myself as a Starbucks coffee, I would have to pass. Only because I don’t drink coffee.
You might think it’s strange that I don’t drink coffee. You’re probably like, “What do you mean? Everybody drinks coffee.” And I’m like, “Well, I don’t.” And you’re all, “Well, that’s just weird,” and I’m all, “Oh, yeah? Well, if I had to describe myself as a pet peeve, I would be you.”
Finally, if I had to describe myself as a fruit, I would be a kumquat.
So, yeah. I guess you could say that in a nutshell, I’m a fearless non-coffee drinking labyrinthine pygmy marmoset Describer Woman, with a bionic elbow and hawk eyes who hates Meatloaf but loves meatloaf and has cockchafing tendencies and likes to show off her G thang at parties where she also does the pendulum and doesn’t drink coffee. Kumquat.
Though if I had to describe myself in a nutshell, it would probably be walnut.
…Or maybe macadamia?
To be honest, I haven’t thought that far ahead.
If I had to describe you in one word it would be “reallyfunnychickwhocouldprobablyusesometherapybutIhopeshenevergetsitwhichisprobablyselfishofmebutthereyougo.”
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HI-larious! you just made my day, you labyrinthine
pygmy marmoset girl!
Snort. And you wonder why the dogs had to sniff your bags at the airport.
(I’m backtracking through the postings here)
However, I don’t drink coffee either, only tea – see, we’d be the perfect travelling companions!