The Subroutine Not Taken

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10 HOME

20 PRINT “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.”

30 INPUT “Which would you like to travel (L / R / BOTH)? “; A$

40 IF A$ = “BOTH” THEN 70

50 PRINT “Are you sure? Try to be more philosophical.”

60 GOTO 20

70 PRINT “Sorry, you cannot travel both and be one traveler. I would think that’s obvious, actually.”

80 INPUT “Would you like to look down one as far as you can (Y / N)? “; B$

90 IF B$ = “Y” THEN 120

100 PRINT “What, you’re too good to look down a road? That yellow could be urine, you know. Best to take a peek.”

110 GOTO 80

120 INPUT “Hm, a lot of undergrowth that way. Do you want to look down the other one (Y / N)? “; C$

130 IF C$ = “Y” THEN 150

140 PRINT “You’re a stubborn one, aren’t you? I guess it’s true what they say about New Englanders. Fine, I’m going to tell you anyway.”

150 PRINT “A bit grassier in that direction. Though really about the same. Pretty leaves on both, too.”

160 PRINT “A stumper, this. Let’s mull it over.”

170 FOR X = 1 to 10000 STEP 1

180 NEXT X

190 INPUT “Tell you what, how about we keep the first for another day? “; D$

200 IF D$ = “BUT YOU KNOW HOW WAY LEADS TO WAY. I DOUBT IF I SHOULD EVER COME BACK” THEN 230

210 PRINT “Maybe, but somehow your answer isn’t giving me quite the right frisson. The trick is to be both literal and symbolic at the same time. Give it another go.”

220 GOTO 190

230 PRINT “Whoa, shallow and deep all at once. That’s the high heat there!”

240 GOSUB 350

250 IF E$ = “S” THEN 400

270 PRINT “Ok then. You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Time to panic, if you can, my taciturn friend.”

280 PRINT “See? There is a Wumpus here. He looks hungry.”

290 PRINT “*** You have died. ***”

300 GOTO 450

350 PRINT “Now that you’re here, I should probably mention that I smell a Wumpus.”

360 PRINT “And, well — this is awkward, I know — I’m pretty sure that the only thing down the other path was a lemonade stand. Didn’t you see the sign? Kind of makes sense that more people would choose that path, when you think about it.”

370 INPUT “Anyhoo, I still smell that Wumpus. Shoot or move (S / M)?”; E$

380 RETURN

400 INPUT “Shoot with what? Your bare hands?”; F$

410 IF F$ = “USE OVERPOWERING SENSE OF ENNUI” THEN 440

420 PRINT “Nothing happens.”

430 GOTO 400

440 PRINT “Aha! Your hopeless sigh got the Wumpus! I can hear the faint sound of his weeping. Good for you; now you’re both dead inside.”

450 PRINT “And somewhere ages and ages hence the lament shall be coded:”

460 PRINT “Two roads diverged in a wood, and you –”

470 PRINT “You took the subroutine less traveled by,”

480 PRINT “And that has made ” RND(Z) ” the difference.”

490 END

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