* Welcome to The Big Jewel, your source for all things Bob. Who is Bob? Everyone. No one. Or perhaps merely the counterpart of author Doug Bond, who shows us an archetypal life story fit for the virtual age.

Bob’s Everlasting Life

By:
douglaswbond@gmail.com

Bob checked in via AmnioGram

 

Bob passed his first stool on DiaperSwiper

 

Bob listened to the bedtime story Goodnight Moon Screensaver on his SpryPod

 

Bob lost Mayor status and got punched in the nose by a sixth grader for refusing to yield the four square court at Steve Zuckertwooglegatestube Elementary School

 

Bob’s enrollment in WispyCloud Computing Camp was terminated due to flagrant violations of the MyFrog user agreement

 

Bob developed early onset carpal tunnel syndrome and posted his X-Rays on Splinterest

 

Bob changed his avatar using Fake-ID-Me, enabling him to temporarily upgrade his account to PowerStalker on Sintendo’s SexParty (Turkish edition)

 

Bob cheated on his SAT’s using AnswerScan for Android

 

Bob almost scored a “nine” playing Spring Break with RackTrax

 

Bob joined 346,859 other Bobs getting “Completely Shitfaced” playing “Hey Bob!” on ChugChat

 

Bob proposed to Siri with a QR Code embedded in a diamond ring hologram

 

Bob disabled Siri’s GPS tracker

 

Bob added a couple kids on FamVille

 

Bob tagged himself by accident in a video with his neighbor Trudy on SkeevieTV

 

Bob changed his relationship status

 

Bob likes Porni

 

Bob was added to the “Loser’s Network” on Left’Out

 

Bob needs only two more missed payments to level on DeadBeatDad

 

Bob completely lost his marbles on InSanify

 

Bob was pinned to the “He Crapped his Pants!” Group at 1.800.Rehab4U

 

Bob added the ReaperMan playlist to his queue on iToast

 

Bob downloaded the apps MeetYourMaker and EnterTheKingdom

 

Follow Bob eternally @OurBobWhoArtInHeaven

 

Are You Sure You Want To Delete Bob?

 

Sent from Bob’s iPhone

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