Spreading The Love

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1.

PEANUT BUTTER: Hi.

JELLY: Hi.

PEANUT BUTTER: Listen, we don’t have to do it now, but at some point we should talk about last night.

JELLY: Why? Did you not enjoy yourself?

PEANUT BUTTER: No, I had a great time. It was incredible, in fact. Just so…unexpected.

JELLY: It was, wasn’t it?

PEANUT BUTTER: I never thought anything would happen between us. You’re so outgoing and fun loving. I’m a little more quiet and reserved.

(They pause for a moment of mutual adoration.)

JELLY: If it happened again, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

PEANUT BUTTER: Far from it.

JELLY: In fact, we should do it again.

PEANUT BUTTER: Definitely.

JELLY: How about every day at lunchtime from now on?

2.

PEANUT BUTTER: I bet Dylan’s glad he brought us from home today. That cafeteria meatloaf looks a little suspect.

JELLY: Those other kids will never know the simple joy of a you-and-me sandwich!

PEANUT BUTTER: I promise you one day we’ll move out of this Ziploc bag. I’ll get a great job and we can move into that Tupperware container you always wanted.

JELLY: I love you, Peanut Butter.

PEANUT BUTTER: I love you, Jelly.

WHOLE WHEAT BREAD: You guys make me sick.

3.

PEANUT BUTTER: Hi.

JELLY: Hi.

PEANUT BUTTER: We have to talk, and we should probably do it now.

JELLY: What’s wrong?

PEANUT BUTTER: I’ve been thinking about us. The future.

JELLY: What do you mean?

PEANUT BUTTER: I mean we’ve been together for over 30 years. Isn’t it time to…grow up?

JELLY: Grow up? We’re timeless! Do you really want to throw away all our history?

PEANUT BUTTER: I don’t know. Yes?

JELLY: You met someone, didn’t you?!

PEANUT BUTTER: I don’t want to talk about it.

JELLY: Who is it? It’s that tramp, Honey, isn’t it?!

PEANUT BUTTER: (mumbles)

JELLY: I can’t hear you!

(JELLY throws a plate across the room. It smashes against the wall.)

PEANUT BUTTER: Banana.

JELLY: Peanut butter and banana?! That’ll never work! You’re crazy!

PEANUT BUTTER: Yes I am. Crazy in love.

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