With the explosive growth in on-line dating sites like eHarmony and Match.com, it should come as no surprise that there is now a new site for countries in the market for love called PlentyOfStates.com. Check out these recently added profiles:
“JState” a.k.a. “Hebrewnation”
I’m a 67-year-old state looking to make some new connections in the Middle East. I’ve been separated from my Palestinian partner for many decades now and I feel it’s time to open myself up to possible new relationships in the region. Some time ago, I did try hooking up with my neighbor to the west, Egypt, but that relationship has definitely cooled in recent years.
BODY TYPE: Small but very powerful.
LIKES: American foreign aid, my Iron Dome rock protection system, long walks on the beach so long as I’m not pushed into the sea.
DISLIKES: Things starting with the letter “h” (think ham, Hamas and Hezbollah).
HOBBIES: Carpentry, masonry, opening new settlements.
TURN-ONS: Large countries who give lots of aid and don’t ask for much in return.
TURN-OFFS: Dates who say they’ll call and then instead launch rockets.
If you go out with me, you get fifty states in one. With no false modesty, I’m the biggest, richest, best-looking country you’re ever likely to see. A lot of countries think I’m mean and arrogant but, you know what, I think they’re just jealous. If you’re open to it, I can show you a really good time. In fact, right now, I’m looking for a few more coalition partners to shake things up in Syria if you know what I mean.
BODY TYPE: Big, bold and beautiful.
LIKES: Armaments, high-tech jet fighters and lots and lots of nuclear weapons.
DISLIKES: A weak dollar and big trade deficits.
HOBBIES: Spreading democracy around the world, cleaning up democracy-spreading messes.
TURN-ONS: Smaller countries who do just what I tell them to.
TURN-OFFS: China and Russia.
If you like bad boys, I’m the country for you. Some say I’m crazy but what’s life without a little craziness? If you’ve got some fissionable materials then I want to connect with you. Chances are we’ll hit it off and sparks will fly, if not gigantic explosions.
BODY TYPE: Squat, powerful but somewhat emaciated.
LIKES: Boy dictators and NBA basketball.
DISLIKES: Anything south, including South America, South Park and especially South Korea.
HOBBIES: Feeding my leader and starving my people.
TURN-ONS: American payoffs to make me stop my latest craziness.
TURN-OFFS: Other countries ignoring my craziness.
“Mess-O-Potamia” formerly known as “Saddamsstate”
I used to have a longstanding, serious relationship with a very big state who shall remain nameless. Needless to say, it ended badly. Sure, he paid lots of support and agreed to be there if needed but now it’s like I never existed. Given my past history, I tend to like my partners big and rough. So if somebody like China or Russia is looking for some extra oil, give me a call.
BODY TYPE: Artificial and fragile.
LIKES: Foreign armies who fight my battles for me.
DISLIKES: Foreign armies who invade me.
HOBBIES: Extracting oil from the ground, extracting aid money from the U.S.
TURN-ONS: Oil revenues, support payments.
TURN-OFFS: ISIS, Kurds and Sunnis.
“GaulGuy” a.k.a. “Frenchie”
I am, how you say, a lover and not a fighter. Contact me if you are in the mood for romance. Whether you are married or single, I will ensure that you will not forget our time together. Plus, if you’re in the market for some military weapons or jet fighters, I think we might be able to make beautiful music together.
BODY TYPE: Sleek, sophisticated and dressed just right.
LIKES: Fine wine, delicious cheeses and fabulous meals.
DISLIKES: Brits, Germans and Americans except for Jerry Lewis.
HOBBIES: Creating new ways to surrender.
TURN-ONS: Philosophy, bureaucracy and the philosophy of bureaucracy.
TURN-OFFS: Anything not French.