I’m Running For Office For Pete’s Sake: Political Candidates Make Some Key Decisions

By:
stacey@resnikoff.com

I assure you I had no idea illegals were doing my landscaping. Or my housecleaning, cooking, dog walking, pool maintenance, tennis court resurfacing, exotic flower arranging, wine cellar bottle-turning or koi pond breeding. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

Wowza, son-o-mine, your new babysitter is a real looker. But neither of us can have relations with her. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

Could you Occupy a street that isn’t on my resume? I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

People are suggesting my flat tax plan came from SimCity. So we need to tweak my “Sonic the Hedgehog” energy policy. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

Sweetie, you and your sister can’t tell your little friends how “unfair” or “mean” you think I am. Remember your nondisclosure agreements. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

Paper or plastic? How about a dozen flag-emblazoned PVC coolers. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

A leveraged buyout of the American Girl stores would be sweet. But I’m no longer stripping beloved toy companies of their assets. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

I can’t steal a speech from the valedictorian at Bethesda-Chevy Chase High School? Buy the rights. Quietly. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

Thank you, no, I don’t eat baby seal. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

Your documentary about me is so off-message, Mr. Moore. Could we go over my talking points one more time? I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

A company called Corzine & Sons wants to donate $100 million to my campaign? I’m SUPER surprised and PACked with misgivings. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

If God didn’t tell Pat Robertson that I’m going to be the next President, He’s just not that into him. Who do you think told me to run for office, for Pete’s sake?

How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Oh, wait. I can’t tell that one. I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

Any comments or actions that you found offensive, arrogant, drunken, extremist, clueless, heartless, socially awkward or just painfully sad were taken out of context. The context is: I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake.

Share

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.