From: [Sandra Sugarbelle] email@example.com
To: [Judith Peterson] firstname.lastname@example.org
Cc: [Ray Crumpton] email@example.com
Date: Saturday, September 15, 2012
Subject: Congratulations on your enrolment in our Sexy at Sixty workshop!
To celebrate your WEDDING ANNIVERSARY a little birdie named BURT has signed you up for a couples tantric sex workshop run by the team here at Sexy at Sixty.
We’re looking forward to meeting you on FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5 for a weekend of fun ‘n’ frolics. Now here’s some information to whet your appetite in the meantime!
What the what?!
Don’t worry! You’re not the first shy and retiring wallflower to find his/her crazy ol’ partner signing them up for this! In fact, you’re going to meet like-minded elderly couples, all wanting to spice things up in between the sheets. And boy are we going to show you young-at-hearters a sizzlin’ hot time!
But this doesn’t sound like my idea of fun…
We hear ya! We know you’d rather be at home resting your feet and watching re-runs of Diagnosis Murder but guess what, JUDITH? The team here at Sexy at Sixty ain’t letting that happen! We’re used to resistance. Lots of people don’t want to attend these sessions, but we use a series of simple techniques like our calming, herbal treats — don’t rat on us to the FDA! — to ensure that you re-LAX.
Take Mabel, aged 68, from Maryland. She was stubborn, she was angry, she threatened to sue and then she had a panic attack during Sexy at Sixty‘s opening session…LOL! There were paramedics and waivers to fill in and all sorts of chaos, but by the end of the weekend she was a true believer in Sexy at Sixty and a heck of a lot sexier!
So tell me about this opening session.
We want our participants to shed their inhibitions and the best way to do this is by shedding their clothes. Once you’ve done that, the rest is easy. So our opening session takes place in a beautiful candlelit setting with a catch. That’s right, get out of your comfort zone, JUDITH! We want to see your beautiful body. You’ll realize there’s nothing wrong with all those flabby, saggy, pale bits! And the sooner you confront your body, the sooner you’ll begin enjoying the weekend.
Uh-oh. What next?
We want to push your boundaries. Trust us, by the end of the weekend you’ll have learnt a lot and seen a lot and done a lot! I don’t want to give too much away, but here’s a bit more about our opening session. Each person is given a padlock and key and given the simple task of unlocking it, symbolizing the unlocking of our fears and frustrations. Next we’ll hold hands, we’ll sit in a circle and we’ll discuss sex: what turns us on and what we fantasize about. You’ll hear our instructors saying: “Nothing is taboo! The wilder the better!”
After this we’ll pair up and put what we’ve discussed into practice. And why stick to the same person? Sure, you might be partnered up with BURT, or maybe you’ll be trying out a new fantasy with one of our regulars like Sid, or our instructor Alf. And don’t worry about BURT‘s feelings — from what we’ve seen he’s a pretty open-minded fella!
In between these sessions there’ll be light relief in the form of meditation, healthy snacks, and live folk music. Don’t forget to try our popular calming herbal tea, which we recommend shyer folk drink lots of ; )
It still doesn’t sound like my idea of fun.
Don’t worry! We tailor our sessions to meet the needs of our participants and we already have some great surprises lined up to help open your mind, your heart, and your legs! You won’t need to do much talking since BURT‘s kindly shared a lotta detail about your sex life (or lack of!) with our team and our film crew and we’ll be keeping that b-roll top of mind in our workshops. We’ll even share some of it over the weekend for the benefit of the group.
Who exactly are you?
That’s a good question. I’ve been practicing meditation, yoga, and varying forms of sexual therapy for 22 years. I’m a mother, a wife, an ex-wife, a lover of sex, a lover of life, and a lover of you for joining my family. For more information, please visit: www.sexyatsixty.com/meettheteam
Can I back out?
No, and that’s NOT the attitude! We require a full non-refundable deposit before sending this confirmation e-mail.
How much does this cost?
BURT has it covered, so don’t worry! And don’t be mad with him for spending so much of your retirement fund! This is an investment in you, your bodies and your future.
You’ve been mentioning BURT a lot. How often have you two met?
Female participants are often surprised by how well I know their partners! I like to establish a deep connection with each new male member of our family and ensure that we have a mutually beneficial, long-term relationship. And BURT has such great energy and enthusiasm, it’s been a true pleasure getting to know him! In fact, after our initial meeting, how could I refuse a follow-up coffee and then dinner and then the movies?
When I Googled you I came across the Coalition Against Sexy at Sixty, an organization representing more than 1,600 individuals who believe that they have been “victimized, bullied and coerced” during your workshops. What’s this about?
Oh jeez, we’ve been battlin’ it out with those money grabbers since our inception eight years ago! People will sign anything these days if there’s even a slim chance of a refund! And search engines just love making phony complaints and legal battles the first items to show up, but you’ll find at least three great Sexy at Sixty reviews if you keep clicking through to page 17 of your Google search.
Actually the Coalition Against Sexy at Sixty isn’t seeking a refund. Their mission statement is: “To raise awareness of and eliminate in its entirety the disturbing and sinister practices, techniques and culture that are endemic within Sexy at Sixty.” In addition, they seek to “facilitate wider discussions about sexual exploitation, both mental and physical.” This sounds pretty serious to me.
You know, where there’s smoke there’s not always fire! It’s best to ignore those old grumps and contact me and Ray Crumpton, cc’ed in, if you have concerns, if you’re considering legal action, or if you’ve been approached by the press. You’ll be surprised how easily we can iron things out without involving third parties!
Who’s Ray Crumpton?
Ray is my full-time friend, part-time lover, and the company’s legal counsel. For administrative purposes (that are simply too boring to dwell over!) I’m advised to include him in all e-mail communications, phone calls and meetings, so if you need to contact me, be sure to include Ray.
Thanks for answering my questions, Sandra! I can tell that you’re an inspiring and beautiful person! How can I possibly thank you enough?
What a great attitude! And you’re right, I am! You can thank me in person on October 5! In the meantime, why not read some more details at www.sexyatsixty.com? You can set up your own profile, chat to members of our community, see who’s attending your workshop, and find out which Sixty and Ready to Mix-ty events we’re holding in your local area.
I look forward to meeting you in person soon. In the meantime, stay Sexy at Sixty!
My warmest, sexiest regards,
Founder, President, CEO and Spiritual Director of Sexy at Sixty
Author of Sixty-licious, available for download here for only $19.99!