Ernie Loomis, a junior in high school, has just been released from jail after having been arrested for driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol. His mother, who just paid bail to secure his release, launches into him as soon as they get to the parking lot. She is livid, ready to lay down the law.
But Ernie has an unspeakable advantage, as he has seen Point Break over seventy times…
MOM: Damn it, Ernie! I can’t believe you would be so stupid as to drink and drive! Don’t you know you could have gotten yourself killed?!
ERNIE: If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It’s not tragic to die doing what you love.
MOM: You’re SIXTEEN! How can you LOVE drinking and driving? What are you, a moron?
ERNIE: Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn’t it?
MOM: Oh, sure, whatever, Socrates. You think you’re so smart, Ernie? Huh? Who the hell do you think you are?
ERNIE: I am an FBI AGENT!
MOM: Oh, I knew it! The officer said you were high, too! High on marijuana cigarettes! It’s that Jenkins boy you’ve been palling around with, isn’t it? I’ve always had a bad feeling about that kid.
ERNIE: Last time you had a feeling I had to kill a guy, and I hate that…it looks bad on my report.
MOM: What? What report? What kind of drugs are you on, son?!
ERNIE: One hundred percent pure adrenaline!
MOM: Oh, B.S.! You wanna play games? Okay, fine! How about this? You’re one hundred percent GROUNDED for the next YEAR!
ERNIE: And you’re about to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. How do you feel about that?
ERNIE: You gonna jump, or jerk off?
MOM: Oh, that’s it, munchie-man! You are in for a world of trouble when your dad gets back from Cincinnati, mister!
ERNIE: He’s not coming back.
ERNIE: It’s basic dog psychology: If you scare them and get them peeing down their leg, they submit. But if you project weakness, that promotes violence, and that’s how people get hurt.
MOM: Where is my son?! What happened to you? Oh, now you’re talking crazy-talk. You’re a junkie, aren’t you? Oh, God, where did I go wrong?
ERNIE: This is stimulating, but we’re out of here.
MOM: What did you say to me, young man? You get back here and into this car right now!
ERNIE: Vaya con dios, brah.